Raise high the roof beams, carpenters

I am going to Baltimore tommorow.

Life has been quite wonderful. Lots of interpersonal communication, sleep, running, reading, and work. My painting has taken a step in a new direction, evolving on its own without my direction I feel (in a good way, I like it when my art suprises me). I have ideas for more paintings. I feel refreshed, I feel creative again. I definitely feel more alive.

I have realized I don't like teaching art classes as much as I did. I don't really know what has changed, I still enjoy it, but I don't feel a great passion for it. I think I've fallen out of touch with art, I'm not the artist (or at least I don't feel like) I once was. Maybe I don't feel like I'm correctly communicating ideas. I don't know. It's a little disheartening, not that I don't love it still, but I used to love it.

I am mostly packed.
Tommorow: Take Zig on a long walk, breakfast, Art 101, purchase bread, shower, pack the daily stuff, lunch with Gram and Papa, pick up Buca check, airport, board plane, fly, read Scientific American Mind, arrive in Baltimore.

Sounds like a plan...

Checking up

So, the last few days have been marvelous. I am off of classes and waiting on two more grades to come in, so far I have been pleasantly suprised. Work is alright, Buca's is tiring on me and I am supposed to have my first W/A shift tonight, but I might get called off because there aren't many reservations and there are too many of us. I hope not. I was really excited and more importantly, I could really use the cash.

I went and saw Rabkin and Tinkle the other day, which was nice. I'm hoping to start building connections with my professors as I did at NHS with teachers. I imagine it will be harder due to much decreased face time, but I have my hopes. I finished Numbers in the Dark and I think I'll take Seymour to Baltimore. What I really want to read is Difficult Loves by Calvino, but alas, I do not own it and I really think I shouldn't buy anymore books. It's only $3.38 on Amazon, so probably $7.00 ($7 that I don't need to spend on books when I have at least twentysome odd books that I have yet to read, but I'm always very concerned about what book I should be reading. Does it fit my theme? Is it intellectual enough? What if it isn't even any good? Should I just buy something by an author I trust? What about breadth? I have depth, but very little coverage. I do read books in public that will make me look smart. I read to impress. I am pretentious, but that's besdie the point).

I've watched Mean Girls too many times on HBO. Goodness, put on something new!

Baltimore in five days. *So* excited.

I finished Brandie's present, Jen's present came in the mail, I can't wait to work on my painting, Katherine wants to commission something from me, I think I am going to do the Detroit Free Press half marathon, I babysat the Partins this week, caught up with Erin...it's just been a good week.

11:33 AM July 19, 2006

I am done.
Papers have been turned in to the proper destinations.

Free.

(except for those forty lines of the Aenied, but I can get to those later)

Countdowns and lists

3 days until the end of spring classes
6 days until I have to turn in my HA 394 paper (although I plan on having it done Monday)
13 days until Baltimore

I simply cannot wait for classes to be over!

Things I am planning to do when classes end:

• reload my music library
• update the ipod
• paint my toenails
• finish painting from earlier this summer
• read
• brandie's bday present

Things I have decided that I am:

• pretty sure I don't want a relationship with my father
• a goody two shoes
• almost always hungry at 7:00 pm
• wanting to run a marathon or a half marathon sometime soon, although not this summer
• needing new running shoes
• trying to be a person who understands and more importantly, likes, poetry
• trying to be a good domestic
• really happy when I am super busy (although papers don't count, they suck)
  

Revised syllabus

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Italian Folktales

Numbers in the Dark (Finish)

Seymour

That's as ambitious as I'm willing the get for the rest of the summer. Lots of Calvino, which I want to read before going to Italy and some Salinger for good measure. We'll see how it pans out.

I was running along Hines yesterday, looked down over the rail at a small stream and a doe was standing there, just staring back at me. I stood there for a few moments and neither of us moved, neither of us broke the gaze. It was really wonderful, I don't want to be cliche but I felt moved by its presence. I walked away and it did not immediately bolt off as I expected it too, instead it watched me walk away.

I like moments like those, that take you totally off balance, catch you by suprise. I need more of those.

Making bank?

So, per usual, I hoped for a great deal of hours at Art 101 and did not get nearly the amount that I had hoped for. I'm doing three mornings a week, so that's nine hours. I'll be picking up Saturdays while Jon is in Peru, but maybe I'll be able to babysit the Partins on Wednesdays and Fridays then? (Means I won't escape commuting to Ann Arbor and it doesn't fix the Partins problem, so will they even take me on board?) Tell Roie I can work at Buca's seven nights a week? (Even when I move up to WAing, that only happens on weekends so I can be a hostess for nothing during the week, awesome). I want to be making at least $350 a week and I don't see that happening.

- Sometimes I stop and ask myself why I can't let myself have an hour to myself, then I realize that most of my friends are gone or otherwise preoccupied. Mary is in S. Dakota, Lauren will be leaving again soon, Colin is in New York, and obviously Mattison isn't around. I guess that's not the real reason though. I guess I just want to make enough money to make it easier on me later, but I never let it (life) be easy. I'm going to be working five days a week at St. Thomas in the fall and Sundays at Buca (more than likely), in addition to taking seventeen credits. What is wrong with me?

Tommorow:

• Run
• Dye hair
• Shower
• Brazil paper
• Brazil presentation
• Brazil reading
• Work 4-?
• More Brazil related activities
• Sleep

Color me superexcited.

I wish that...

1. I can continue to enjoy the smaller moments in life (ie sitting on the deck, at dusk, reading a fantastic novel, feeling completely loved and at peace with myself).
2. I could go back to bed right now to take a nap
3. I will make it to June 22nd with relative ease and not stress myself out about these papers. I need to trust the fact that yes, they will somehow get done.
4. People would realize that treating customer service staff like shit only makes us hate customers. Wednesday night at Buca's was nothing but pissy, smug-faced bastards that continually dispensed uncalled-for comments. There are other ways of expressing your agitation, I don't mind tactful, direct criticism but I do mind sarcastic, catty insults.
   
5. My boss would email me with my Art 101 work schedule.
6. I can babysit the Partins.
7. The summer gets better after the next two weeks.
   

I feel exhausted this morning, in every way possible. I'm not in a bad mood, but I think I'm in need of rest. Until the 19th I will have had class or work every single day since I got home on the 30th. All work and no play does not a happy Layne make.

is it the start of the end or just the end of the day

The days before I leave to see Mattison were mixed with anxiety and content, as I knew I would be there soon. The days in the middle were busy enough and maintained a somewhat regular routine that made them pass with ease. These days, at the start of a new seperation, have a profound depth to them and its almost depressing thinking about when I might get to see him again. I guess it's just best not to think about it.

thebestdayever!

1. After taking nearly a week hiatus, I put on my battered running shoes and went for an awesome morning run, starting my day relaxed and fierce.
2. I thought I was late for class but ended up right on time. The shuffle on the ipod gave me lots of love this morning, which generally puts me in a good mood.
3. Never thought I'd say it, but I like Mrs. Dalloway and it felt nice to recoil my scathing hatred for all that is Virginia Woolf. I doubt I'll be able to do the same for Jane Austen, but you never know.
   
4. Work was so much fun. Aside from hurting my foot playing soccer (I really need to learn to bring tennis shoes to work), everything was awesome. It seemed as though I wouldn't be able to give Dylan his birthday present, but he turned up in the end. I'll have to wait til Tuesday to see if he liked it or not and hopefully I can babysit a couple days a week for them in the summer. I was able to talk to a lot of my favorite kids and realized that the eldest Partin, Nick, is really maturing into a responsible young man. Days like this make me realize how many oppurtunites that job has given me to be touched by the humanity in children. While I have all but lost hope for humanity as a whole, I believe in kids and their power to do good.
   
5. Jendavis and I had the most spectacular Barnes & Noble experience aka Jen telling a pyramid schemer that she really believes that Elvis is still alive, well, and performing and that she in no way uses the internet. She must have felt so baffled. We ran into Lauren Montgomery and that was all in good fun, what an awesome girl.
   
6. Jen and I high-fived about our awesome day at Trader Joe's and were complimented on our authentic enthusiasm. I bought grapefruit juice, because I need my constant stream of ruby red goodness.
   

I am in love with life today. Make no mistakes!